Poems And Quotes

My moggies are more than pets,
they are my children too.
They’re guaranteed to cheer me up
whenever I am blue.

Moomin is a tubby one,
she loves to roll and play,
she eats catnip by the barrelful,
and then she rolls all day!

Minstrel is the sensible one,
always in control,
but always by her sisters side,
to play fight or roll!

My two mogs are inseperable,
they’re the best cats in the land,
if you have mogs as great as mine
I’m sure you’ll understand!

My mogs will always share my loving home,
for years and years to come,
they’ll never know fear or pain,
they’re my little furry chums!

By

Gemma Sweeney

Don’t smell crotches, don’t eat plants.
Don’t steal food or underpants.
Don’t eat my socks, don’t grab my hair.
Don’t rip the stuffing from that chair!
Don’t eat those peas! Don’t touch that bush!
Don’t chew my shoes. What IS that mush?
Eat your cookies. Drink your drink,
Outta the toilet! Outta the sink!
Away from the cat box, it’s for the cat!
And MUST you kiss me after that?
Yes, raising a puppy, is not for the lazy!
Though puppies are funny, they’re also quite crazy.
But don’t despair, though its toil and strife.
After three years, you’ll get back your life!
So, let’s go for “walkies”, you can “do your thing”
And perhaps I’ll get back my good diamond ring!

Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble,
how those geese and ganders squabble!
Cluck, cluck, quack, quack, quack,
ducks and chickens answer back.
Woof, woof, bark, bark, bark,
puppies romp around and lark.
Moo go the cows, and bull goes moo,
oh what a hull-a-ba, hull-aba-loo.
The horse cries neigh and the sheep goes baa-a-a,
squeak goes the trailer on the farmers car.
the piglets are squealing, grunt, grunt goes the sow.
“miaow,” wails black pussy,
“miaow,” what a row,
there’s such a commotion, how can a cat sleep?
With the noise of the dogs and the cows and the sheep
and the hens and the ducks
and the ganders and geese.
And the squeak of the trailer that’s needing some grease,
with the moo of the bull and the neigh of the horse
and the shrieking of the piglets to make matters worse.
But – it’s no use complaining, for nobody hears,
so I’ll hide in the loft and stuff hay in my ears.
Up there, warm and cosy in my coat of fur,
I’ll practise my solo, “miaow, purr, purr, purr.”

What matter’s to a cat
It’s not the fact that you stroke them
Or you groom them
Or you sleep with them all night
No, it’s that bowl of tucker
No, it’s that bowl of tit-bits
A happy cat is a, fat belly cat
A happy cat is a slow moving cat
A cat who sleeps all day
And fornicates all night
A cat who sleeps in the coolest place in summer
Or the warmest place in winter
So women remember, a fat cat is a happy cat
So women remember, three meals a day
And we love plenty of Sex

by
allan James saywell

Little Poppy Sparrow adventures you would seek,
Your tail would just keep moving if a bird let out a tweet,
Jumping on the kitchen tops, you are so silly little pops,
Any movment in the bush you’d investigate, no matter how long it took,
We would shake your food so you would come,
You are my best friend , you are my little chum,
You’d run around all wild and skitty you are so pretty little kitty,
If you were trapped you’d call for help,
If you got hurt you’d let out a yelp,
You’d watch a crow for hours on end then you would start a kitten trend,
It would seem you’d always smile if one of us stroked you for a while,
The landing was your favourite place the sun would shine on your face,
You had the cutest little nose so very light trotting on your toes,
You would greet us face to face, so you would get “go cat” on your plate,
I’ve got your blanket on my bed, it doesn’t smell of cat, but cat litter instead,
Now, I could write pages more but my time is limited that’s for sure!
Although our time was very short I seem to love you more and more,
So be glad for us to say this as you were very smart,
Even though you’ve gone now, you’re always in our hearts.
For a kitten who seemed to have a very short life.
My best friend and best cat in the world, my little Poppy.

This cat Is cat How cat
They cat Met cat Five cat
Years ago

He cat Sent cat A cat
Text cat In cat Code cat
To her phone

They cat Talked cat For cat
Week’s cat And cat Then cat
Fell in love

You cat Too cat Must cat
Now cat Crack cat The cat
Cryptic code
by
Scarborough Gypsy

Student:
“My doggy ate my homework.
He chewed it up,” I said.
But when I offered my excuse
My teacher shook her head.

I saw this wasn’t going well.
I didn’t want to fail.
Before she had a chance to talk,
I added to the tale:

“Before he ate, he took my work
And tossed it in a pot.
He simmered it with succotash
Till it was piping hot.

“He scrambled up my science notes
With eggs and bacon strips,
Along with sautéed spelling words
And baked potato chips.

“He then took my arithmetic
And had it gently fried.
He broiled both my book reports
With pickles on the side.

“He wore a doggy apron
As he cooked a notebook stew.
He barked when I objected.
There was nothing I could do.”

Teacher:
“Did he wear a doggy chef hat?”

Student:
My teacher gave a scowl.
“He did,” I said. “And taking it
Would only make him growl.”

My teacher frowned, but then I said
As quickly as I could,
“He covered it with ketchup,
And he said it tasted good.”

Teacher:
“A talking dog who likes to cook?”

Student:
My teacher had a fit.
She sent me to the office,
And that is where I sit.
I guess I made a big mistake
In telling her all that.
’Cause I don’t have a doggy.
It was eaten by my cat. – End-

MY ROBOT DOES MY HOMEWORK
My robot does my homework.
He helps me every night.
The trouble is he doesn’t get
too many answers right.

He’d probably do better
at homework but, you see,
I built him, so he only knows
the things he learned from me. -End-